The word OPPOSITE ATTRACT is commonly used by many, but only few understand that opposites don’t always get along that well. It takes acceptance and tolerance to make it happen.
Many people in love fail to realize that the person they’re in love with maybe someone they know well, but not someone they share the same character with. I do understand you are so much in love with each other, but you have to realize that you are not clone of each other. Your relationship will not be healthy for too long if you fail to accept this profound truth.
When one is deeply in love you may not notice any difference in your mate, but as the feelings slowly go down the inevitable difference will began to unveil. At this point many struggles to maintain their relationship, some will even breakup or divorce because the person they assumed their mate to be is not really who they are.If you’re going into relationship hoping your mate will be like you or act like you, you will highly be disappointed.
Some people believed that identical twins are completely alike. That when one cries, the other cries. When one laughs the other laughs, too. When one is hungry, the other is hungry. Even though there are similarities in twins, but this isn’t entirely true. No matter how identical twins look, and despite the fact that they came out from same genetic source, they are greatly different in many ways. If two people from the same womb are not exactly the same, what makes you think you and your mate will be the same? No one on this planet is exactly the same.
What’s the point of staying in love with someone who isn’t like you? Just imagine how weird the world would be if people behaved and thought exactly the same way. There would be no excitement, no surprise, no secrets, no fun. People have wrote a lot about compatibility but we often think compatibility as similarity. But too much similarities can be boring.
Moreover, you don’t want to marry yourself, with all flaws and imperfections. You want someone who will complement you, enhance your strength, and enrich you. So difference are important. Though some are difficult to handle, like you’re a fast type while your partner is sluggish. Just like a choleric and phlegmatic temperament. I find it difficult sometimes with my fiancee because she’s a phlegmatic, an easy going type while am a choleric I want everything to be done as soon as possible.
Difference not handle with wisdom can lead to serious conflict or even breakup. No matter who you are with, you will have misunderstanding. Its simply part of being in a relationship. Difference is a spice of every relationship, but as far as successful relationships are concern, you still have to deal with misunderstanding that emerge from these differences.
You got to realize not accepting your differences, can lead to much conflict or breakup. If you love one another and wants to be happy together, the only way is to enjoy the uniqueness of one another and tolerate each other.
Instead of wasting your time and energy to make him or her just like you, you can decide to accept the difference and enjoy it. Some differences are beneficial, you May like talking while he likes listening. Not all differences are easily digested like I said before, in which case you need to learn to accept them and respect them without forced tolerance.
WAYS TO COPE WITH DIFFERENCES
1. Recognize that difference are inevitable, Is part of every relationship. Whether the differences are something simple or complex, what really matters is not the dissimilarities, but how you manage them both as individuals and as a couple
2. Be confident in myself. you need to love yourself and appreciate yourself. Without self esteem it will be difficult for you to accept difference in others.
You got to realize that it’s perfectly fine for someone to like you without being like you. You can accept your can accept your differences, and even celebrate them, because you’re secure with the way you are, and you don’t need someone to agree with you to feel validated.
3. Minimize your expectations. We look for a partner who’ll make us feel admired, valued, great, and loved. Since differences can lead to misunderstanding and can diminish those feelings, it’s important to find ways to reinstate them. And the best way is to focus on improving yourself than focusing on your mate.
4. Address a specific behavior or situation, not your partners personality. Complaints about personality are extremely unproductive, because the other person automatically respond to defend himself or herself, and such complaints undermine the feelings of being valued, and loved that are key to any relationship’s well being.
5. Remember that some things simply can’t be changed. Some differences maybe difficult to deal with, but may be simply part of a package of someone who is not the same as you. And that package may enrich your life.
Finally, if your partner does something in way that you don’t like, it doesn’t mean they are wrong, it means they’re different. What you need to understand is that doing something differently doesn’t make either of you wrong, it makes you unique.
© AMB VICTOR, Sept 2018
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