You used to satisfy your sexual urge with a particular person under an agreement that it’s just for that purpose and you both comply strictly to it. You even state clearly that you have a fiance/fiancee that is outside the country that you really love. ( NOTE: It was not a relationship).
This person now wants to get married and you find out that you know the person he/she is married to. (maybe a friend or just acquaintance).
1) Will you tell this friend/acquaintance that you have slept with his/her partner?
2) Is it necessary to tell?
3) Would you tell your to be bride/groom that you used to have a sex partner
I dont want anyone to live with us
Hello BRI family, just want to clear my mind off this issue once and for all.
Our wedding will hold in 3 months time and i have told my husband to be that his siblings needs to find any place where they would be staying since we would be married soon but my hubby to be refused and is of the opinion that after our wedding he would find a way.
I am not too satisfied with this development as i have seen many situations where siblings cause commotion.
Please i need your advise.
Responses from BRI
- Is not good at all. If he will be Looking for a place for them, let him do it now. If he starts looking for a place after the marriage it will look as if you sent them away. You need to enjoy your marriage o. So just use wisdom and pray too.
- Well, my opinion is that, you both can work out ways to get apartment for his siblings before getting married, cos the first few months of marriage should be enjoyed in bliss and romance, so that no one interrupts your romance… Just be wise in your decision
- That reminds me about my own situation, my hubby brother was staying him, both her cousin sister, her sister in law brother. I was like how I’m I going to cope with all of them. At the beginning we started staying, those people can eat food for me to extend I was angry with the way they eat food. I was finding it difficult to cope with them both their characters and everything. On a second thought I ask myself if they were my siblings can’t I cope with them??? So I just took everything the way I see it and I took them as my silbings. I will talk talk for where but at times goes on I started going along with them. So my dear I truly understand what you want but that will not be the best just develop the spirit of love, OK . You will enjoy their company as I’m enjoying mine now. In fact I can’t stay in dat house without them all”
He’s Demanding for Sex
I have been a relationship with this guy for 6 months now and we have been cool with ourselves. Of recent am just confused and am in a mess, the guy I agreed to date because I love him is now demanding for sex.
What should I do? He is likely to quit because of this.
-Question from someone from Abuja.
Responses from BRI
- Whether he is God’s will or not, the fact still remains that the Flesh will surely ask. Now it is he or her duty to be able to resist that. Encourage him in the Lord, and make sure you shun all appearance that may lead to him asking about sex e.g your dressing, if possible avoid talking all days about your sex life. Shalom
- Hmmmmm, he is just being human for asking,
But nonetheless if he is truly born again
Help a brother by bringing him back to his senses, encourage him and remind him that is a wrong move, don’t just push him away he is only being tempted and needs you to knock that devil out .
Also I hope the relationship has been defined so you don’t spend too long because the urges will get stronger,
It’s only by God’s Grace that he will overcome, so keep praying for him.
- Stand on your ground but make sure you are not demanding money from him or doing something that will make him spend much on you. God bless your relationship with him
I AM IN TROUBLE
My name is Sophia, I got pregnant for my boyfriend and my family asked me to move in with him and deliver the baby.
But now things are very hard for us, he cannot provide for me and the baby and my family said I should come back home but he is begging me to stay that things will change and he will marry me properly.
Please advise me, what should I do?
1. Premarital is wrong in the first place , but since it has happened like that please beg your parents to allow you stay with them so as to receive proper care. Pregnant women need much care. Please consider your well-being and the unborn child.
Question from a BRDM reader.
70% of Men.
A question from this lesson sir. Why is it that 70% of men are the one who go outside marriage and defile but they never see it as defilement even in Christendom but wen a woman does; people see it as defilement- Omolade, Lagos.
1. Most men who find themselves in these shoes first didn’t prepare themselves spiritual and physically enough to resist every forms of sexual temptation.
Secondly, most of these men found doing this are those who were sexually active during their courtship.
Third, most of them were actually taught by bad associate.
If anyone find himself in this shoe, he should pray for spirit to resist. He should shun all appearances of sexual unfaithfulness
Lastly, change your bad friends.
2. Well, no matter the Alarm, God’s against Adultery stands. Whether the one of women is overrated or not, the bottom line is : THOU (all gender) SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY.
3. It is the way our society is structured… But that a man is not been castigated like the woman does not make it less of a sin. And that a man is not been castigated for doing it does not also mean it is right for a woman to do it. The Bible says we should not follow the multitude to do evil…
4.That the ways of men. Jesus also had same issue with men when a woman was caught in adultery.
Nothing was said of the man but only the woman. If not for Jesus intervening the woman would have been killed.
With men, there might be partiality but with God no partiality. Whatsoever anyone does, he or she will reap.
Yes, it’s true we have a lot of compromise on infidelity even among Christians, but it doesn’t change God’s standards or judgement.
I’ll advice let everyone run his race looking unto Jesus and not men. Because if you look men, that’s the beginning of your fall.
Please what should I do?
I committed adultery and the culture and tradition of my husband demand that I should eat feces to appease the gods of the land that if I didn’t do so I will die within 21 days! But the problem is that I don’t think I can do it.
Forget about culture,turn to God in prayer and ask for forgiveness, only if you are born again. Repentance from your sin in genuineness… (Proverbs 28:13)
Secondly: Restitute by opening up to your beloved husband… Acts 24:15
Thirdly: Reach out and resolve on your stand for Christ, by desisting from the practice of the world (1 John 2:15)….understand that Christ has set you free from the curse of the law or any tradition and any cause causeless shall not come or stand, like as it was even for the children of Israel, you are now blood washed and no enchantment against your life or divination against Israel… Numbers 23:23…..Galatians 3:13
Lastly, remain a new creature in Christ and never to go back to the past ways…. (2 Corinthians 5:17, Jude VS 3)……Know your place in Christ as a child of God..
I need advice and prayers.
I have been praying and hoping on God for marital settlement. God in His infinite mercy answered my prayer on my 29th birthday this month, my boyfriend of almost five years proposed to me and I accepted. And I found out that am already pregnant for him one week after. He accepted it and was very happy.
We kicked off plan to be together, we found a house, planned to do trad in next two months. Now my problem is this, his family has sworn over their dead bodies will he marry me simply because I’m not from his place. He is from Enugu, while am from IMO state.
He has begged and begged and begged, even his uncles and aunties everyone turned against him. Saying that their village people don’t marry from my place. They are aware of my present condition yet they say that they don’t care. They are threatening to disown him if he go ahead to be with me.
But all these years we were dating, we do visit his parents, I thought they like me even his siblings. I’m confused, in agony, pain and tears. I love this guy so much and he loves me too. He said that he can’t leave me no matter what, but how do we stay together without his family’s consent. How can I be the reason his family is disowning him.
Please I need advice and prayers. I’m loosing it
There are issue that need to be clarified here. During that period of 5yrs, does the guy parent approve or disapprove your relationship? Any signal from your in-laws during the years? Are your in-laws to be a Christian? Y do u defile the bed? Why on earth do u tie your guy with pregnancy?
I think you caused all these… During the period of courting, you should be able to read between the line.. Ladies, please don’t be carried away with all this butterfly love n fail to identify the red flag… Infact, in this case, you only need prayer to change your situation if you don’t wanna be a baby mama……….. Bro Ife
The problem started in the foundation, you are not supposed to be in dating/courtship relationship for a whole five years is too much my dear and in some cases it is the cause of sexual immorality!
Secondly, ladies of nowadays I don’t know whether you think you can use sex or pregnancy to keep a man who has not married you. Please stop it because if they or their family rejects you, you will be at lost and also into suffering of carrying the pregnancy alone or facing the risk of abortion (not advised though)
I am not trying to be judgmental or to criticize you, but am only saying this as an advice for other ladies to learn!
You said you’ve been praying to God for a life partner, but it seems you were desperate because I don’t think God gave you a go ahead. God can’t even give you a go ahead while you were busy committing sexual immorality!
Now, my advice for you is that if his family rejects you, you don’t have choice than to let go because only him cannot go to do the traditional without his family. And don’t live with him to avoid cohabitation.
Pray to God for forgiveness and provisions for you and your child, don’t abort.
May God help you……………………………Bro Jude
Kindly be patient and get what the issue really is in addition to the one reason say una dey from diff tribe . Kindly give time chance to proof the relationship worthy irrespective of the fact say you get belle already. Rushing to take a decision for marriage because of pregnancy is not the sure ticket to a blessed marriage.
Make that guy go do him sincere assignment and sort the issue rightly with his family instead of rushing . Make una both stop they rush unaself………………………………..Bro HAYZEAD
You have been dating him for the past 5years, yet u never knew your village and his village don’t settle marritally. Then what were you guys doing as you date?, Dont you talk??
Oh i get it, instead of doing “courtship discussion” you are busy sleeping and having sex with yourselves, commiting fornication upandan and now that you are in SITUATIONSHIP you want God to come do miracle, perform wonders that his parent WILL JUST GIVE CONSENT!………………………………Bro Fola
The pregnancy issue now is another problem entirely. You should have seen signals from their family earlier on which you would have either run by then or make them see reasons to accept you. Now, the bed is defiled before marriage and marriage is unvisible. Please calm down, pray for forgiveness and pray more for God to arrest their heart if the man is actually meant for you…………Sis Oluwakemi.
I sense that my husband is hidding somethings for me
To what extent can couples have access
To their partners life. ..like password, having access to bank..
On what extent do one need to demand privacy
There is no measure to it. But the question is: why do you want to access them? If there be no genuine reason, then focus on your own
That a partner gives password does not mean they are trustworthy oh.. People can be dubious.
Marriage is all about transparency, trust your partner and let go…..Password or no password..even me I dey forget my own password self nor to talk of asking for another…….Mrs Josephine Aremo.
I think my friend doesn’t want me to progress like him
My friend has a good job ,got married and even has a son as I speak. We actually went to same secondary school and I just like how he is making progress.
I however spoke with him severally that I want to be like him , even at the moment I want him to recommend a peaceful girl for me to marry as I trust his judgement since he has chosen well for himself.
My friend’s response hasn’t been so satisfactorily with me as he said I need to find purpose, get a mentor , get to be more expressive with life and people and have to be well equipped by going for relationship conference, reading books.
But I know with his response, he doesn’t wants me to progress. Please what can I do?
My dear brother he is telling you nothing but the truth…even if he recommends a lady to you, you must go to God in prayer for conviction and must surely have courtship with her……… Mr Jude
This second question reminded me of a post I jam like that one social media which say “Many people suffer themselves alot comparing themselves with other people’s achievement instead of comparing ones present track records with his purpose and plan for life”
Many people are too in a hurray to achieve what others have achieve forgetting the fact that the other person self don pay him dues and desires all needed accolades……. MR HAYZEAD
You need to help yourself because only you can. Honestly you have an issue of inferiority complex and a very low self-esteem. Depending on others to help you solve your problems is a bigger problem. You need to start believing in yourself and develop confidence. Your friend is not better than you but you only think so. Please thank your friend because he likes you…………………….Sis HARMONY
Can We Have Sex?
Sir, this man was recently posted to my state from Jos. I have been in a relationship with him for like 5 months. Recently he promised me marriage and ever since then he has been asking me for sex. Please I need your advice.
To make a promise is different from fulfilling it. Someone might pretend to love you or marry you because of beauty, handsomeness, car, good job, sex, money, etc. But when they get what they want, they will bid you farewell. Many people especially ladies have become victim of this.
Marriage is different from courtship, engagement, promises, dating, etc. If someone promises you marriage and decided to use it as an opportunity to demand for sex, watch out! He/She might be a player. Or might use it to put you in a predicament. Go and take statistics of married couples, you will find out that more than 50% of those who promised their partner marriage for sex never married them. Don’t lay wrong foundation for your marriage.
As I do tell ladies, one of the ways to know if a man truly loves you is him understanding your reasons to delay sex till marriage. It is one of the characteristics of true love as stated in 1 Corinthians 13:7 ” Love beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.”
The Bible says that the thoughts of the heart of an ungodly man is wickedness. Gen 6:5 (KJV) says “And God saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.”
So be careful ladies. DON’T BE GULLIBLE, BE WISE. Give your life to Jesus Christ and let Him guide you. God bless you.
She Started Neglecting Me.
Had this female friend whom I was getting along with but no day passes by without each of us sharing words especially on music and other private matters. But when she started neglecting my chats, greetings and presence, I was totally devastated. It affect my joy. It’s was as if I can’t do without her so I’m worried. How can I be in control of my self when things go wrong in relationship? The issue is we are just friends not relationship per say. Frank
You were only getting along with her. Getting along is different from being in a serious relationship with someone. With what you said I don’t think there is any defined relationship between the two of you, except you are assuming. Assumption is stressing yourself over what doesn’t exist.Thank God you admitted that it’s just friendship and not relationship. It’s only in relationship that deep emotional tie should exist and not with friends.
If you had proposed to her, or both of you had been in a relationship and she turned down your proposal or jilted you that would have been a different thing. But with what you wrote, that’s not the case here. May be she’s passing through a challenge or someone is wooing her for a relationship that she’s thinking about.
Allowing this to affect your joy, shouldn’t be. It shows you need to be mature brother. If you are mature for a relationship: spiritually, financially, emotionally, physically, etc, pray about it. If God lead you to her, then let her know about it. There is no crime or fear in that. If God says no, don’t bother telling her. Just be friend only. Even if you tell her and she still says no. My brother, there are ladies out there who will say yes.
He Almost Fell To Sexual Temptation. What Would You Do?
“As a Christian leader, I didn’t see a female member at the church during one of the church programme so I decided to go visit her. In the evening I set out. She lives with two ladies in her apartment. But on this day I met her alone at home. I went in, ask why she wasn’t at church. We talk about other things.
In the midst of our talk, rain began to fall. I waited for this rain to stop but the more I waited the heavier it became. From 8.00pm to 9pm to 10pm, the rain refused to stop. Oh! I need to go. Before I new what was happening the sisters mood changed. She began to talk using bedroom soft voice with series of body and eye languages. Totally ready. I knew I don enter wahala. Mogbe! I didn’t know what to do.
The rain became heavier. Before I knew anything; my mood changed. Sexual current all over my body. My heart beating faster. I was between the devil and the deep blue sea. Heavy rain outside, sexual temptation inside. I could not see clearly or think straight. Arrows of sexual images on my mind.
As I moved to the door to take my leave. She said don’t go. I told her let me go. Don’t go she kept saying. Let me go I kept saying also. As I held the door to open; a voice spoke to me- “is this how you will leave her.” I halted. She stood behind facing me while I stood facing the door. I turned to face her. At this point God was watching me (a Christian brother) from heaven while the devil also was watching; ready to take my destiny. Before I knew it, a strength came within me. I opened the door and dashed into the rain to my house.”- Anonymous
It was a young man testimony I decided to share so you can learn and be blessed. It was a big devise from the devil which he almost fell into. Its really not by might or power but by my Spirit saith the Lord. Friends, let’s watch and pray, Matthew 26:41. Again what would you do?
We Were Alone In The House.
Sir, there is a this lady that just left my house now. We got into romance. The first time it happened I told her I don’t like it and we shouldn’t do it again. We both accepted. But sir; its happening again. I hate it. But she is not showing any remorse. She’s comfortable with it; but am not.
I came back from work and she came around. We are not just friends, I had made my intention known to her and people around us. We talked and talked after which we played some games together. After a long hour of being together in my house she stood up to go. She hugged me. The hug took longer than necessary. I kissed her and it lingered. No sex. We came back to consciousness and told her to go.
But I know I shouldn’t though we are in a relationship. But today, I don’t know. Emotions. Am emotional and very passionate when it come to people I love. It makes me aroused when am with a person I feel a thing for i.e person I love
There was a time on campus, I was about about having intercourse with a Iady I was emotional about but I was able to regain my consciousness. I pulled back. She held me and told me to continue since I have promised her marriage. A spirit in me told me it’s not a sin as far as I have promised to marry her.
In the midst of this the spirit of God in me spoke to me and reminded me of my promise to God not to have sex till marriage. When I remember this I broke down in prayer to God for mercy and forgiveness. She never felt any remorse. I led her out of my house.
Virginity – Shade
“Is it really proper for a man to ask a lady about her virginity status when they are only friends.”
Of what use is that to him. This is a sensitive information of yourself that should not be made public except to the man that wants to marry you. Some can use this against you. Be careful!
Am Confused – Sofia
Am 26 years old and in my final year in school. I have marriage proposal from a 33 years old guy, not educated and ugly. These has been a major turn off for me because even though he treats me like an egg and does every of my wish; am still not proud to be seen with him.
I know he loves and cares for me but am barely tolerating him. Honestly he is the best among my suitors and very spiritual too. Am only worried of his physical features. He doesn’t have what I want facially but in order areas, he is all I need.
Am afraid I might regret marrying him if I do. Am really confused sir. Please help. Thanks.”
God knows the future from the present. The most important thing is-have you prayed about it and are you convinced he is your husband and are you both born again?. This is key! If you are convinced, love will grow and the rest can be worked upon. Don’t let the physical and what he is at the present or what you want blindfold you.
Though education and looks are good. Marriage can still strive without them if both of you agree to work together as a team. Part of the purpose for marriage is to complement each others weakness for strength. Your education and looks might complement him.
Also, Have you spoken with him about it. Please do. Love him for who he is and help him improve on his look. On education, one can go to school at any age. So talk with him on it. He might decide to. More so, education is formal (higher institution) or informal (trade/business). May be he has informal education, which is no problem.
With what you said of him on how he cares for you, if it’s genuine, then I think he has what it takes to be a good husband.
Looks is not genuine reason to quit a relationship. Your beauty can complete that for him. But first deal with your heart. Because you must first accept him in your heart before accepting him in real life. Above all, love is above all this.
I pray you receive grace to accept him in your heart. Think about it and let me have your feedback. Thanks
Wow! Thanks a lot. Am very much convinced it was God from the beginning. I was trying to see if I could manipulate God which is impossible. God has already made his mind clear on the issue I was just being stubborn.
Some days after I wrote to you, I received a revelation which interprets to the fact that I was not satisfied with what I have and also the punishment that Will follow if I disobey. Physically, I was planning on saying yes to another guy who was a graduate.
Subsequently, I had another dream where I was the madam of the house serving him food and taking charge. Which was actually the Second time I was having that kind of revelation. I believe truly that it’s the will of God because I have His peace after the last revelation.
Thanks for your advice sir, beauty does matter but it’s not the foundation for a wonderful life in Marriage. GOD is and am really ashamed I doubted Him who knows the way.
I am still a virgin -Anonymous.
“I am single and still a virgin. What age should one attain before one could be deflowered? There was the case of a lady who got deflowered by her boyfriend with complications. She had a tear, which led to her bleeding profusely and she was taken to the hospital. The doctor advised that she should not abstain from sex because she could have more complications.
I also have a sister who was a virgin at 26 years. She started having abdominal pain almost every month. She went to see the doctor and she was advised that she should be deflowered and placed on drugs immediately to prevent her from having fibroid later in life. Your response is urgently needed.”
We all learn every day. Yet, one thing is certain; her boyfriend must have roughly and harshly or forcefully deflowered your friend. First time sex must be very gentle. The man involved must ensure maximum gentleness, tenderness and understanding.
Then, the second friend’s case seems to be an issue of infection or so. I really do not know why the doctor involved asked her to be sexually active as an unmarried person. However, he may have his medical reasons for that. Sex should be saved for marriage. It pays to be pure than being polluted. If I may say, that some other persons were sexually challenged, as a single does not mean you would also be.
I think what you should be concerned about is your total health. Why not make it a practice to go for a general check-up with your doctor to detect any abnormality beforehand. My prescription for the proper age to be deflowered is the age you get married, be it 20 or 40. – Funmi Akingbade
At 17 years; I Started Visiting Prostitutes- Donald, Lagos
Donald: Hello sir, Please I need your help sir. The problems am having now-
1. Have given my life to Christ but I still go back to sin.
2. Am addicted to sex. I go to hotel to sleep with girls.
On sex issue, have almost lost my glory, Hmmm. Because is too much. I don’t know what leads me to hotel to sleep with girls at my age of 19. But I can remember I was 17 years when I started visiting prostitutes. Don’t know the spirit that came over me. There was a day I sat outside; that spirit just came over me and push me there. That was when I started. I think it was on Christmas day In the evening, 2014.
BRF: But before that time have you been having sex?
Donald: No, but masturbation.
BRF: And when was the last time you had sex with prostitutes?
Donald: Last week.
BRF: How often do you visit them?
Donald: 3 or 4 days per week.
BRF: Do you and your your people talk about sex?
Donald: Yes, very well.
Donald: Whenever I thought about that lady, That feelings would come. This spirit lead me to the extent that I want to have sex with a married woman. The woman took me as her brother, so I thought she want me to have sex with her because she likes me and my colleague at work told me I should try to have sex with her. Mean while the woman just like me. She’s a friend to my elder sister. When I told her, she changed towards me.
Donald: I made charm for her from an Alfa.
BRF: What kind of charm?
Donald: To make sex with her. Thank God it didn’t work for me. So when ever I think of that woman that feeling for sex come to me.
Donald: I sat alone inside don’t even know what I was thinking. That feelings just creep in, You know I told you about that lady. I was thinking about her, suddenly that spirit just remind, that I want to have sex with her so from there I started to think about it.
It was when I started my work every thing got like this. My colleagues are affecting me. We talked about girls. Planning how to meet girls. Talked about girls that will be good on bed. I noticed whenever I have much money on me, That temptation also come. I pay prostitutes Sometimes 500,1000,1500.
BFR: What do u know about sex
Donald: Don’t really know oo
BRF: Don’t know anything and you are doing it?
Donald: I even need to change my environment.
Donald: It has happened again, please forgive me, don’t know what came over me and leads me to meet prostitute again sir.
BRF: I appreciate you opened up. Please talk to God in prayers, confess to Him. Tell Him your pain about it. He’s watching you. And He’ll help u
BRF: How did it happened again yesterday
Donald: Just thinking about it, and suddenly it creep into my mind
BRF: Thinking about sex?
BRF: Hope u did not go today
Donald: No sir
BRF: Whenever the temptation comes, pls contact me. So I can counsel you. OK.
Donald: Yes sir, I pray the devil won’t overcome me.
Donald: Hmm, it has happened again, Am fed up, I don’t understand sir.
Donald: You’ve been tremendous blessings to me.
Donald: To the glory of God, I that I couldn’t do without visiting prostitutes for four days in a week. Since I meet God in BRF and Abiodun Aremo, For two weeks now, I have not been to prostitutes. Children of God please keep praying for me to sustain this victory God has given me in BRF.